North Dakota just passed legislation that gives fertilized human eggs the same rights that we enjoy!! This includes the right to safely abort if the expectant egg mother feels that her future egg baby will become a pro-life activist.
Naturally, FOXnews and all the childless pro-life bloggers out there are jamming the first few search pages. We didn’t want to scavenge through the shit so we’re quoting from Yahoo. Sorry
A measure approved by the North Dakota House gives a fertilized human egg the legal rights of a human being, a step that would essentially ban abortion in the state. The bill is a direct challenge to Roe v. Wade, the U.S. Supreme Court decision that extended abortion rights nationwide, supporters of the legislation said.
We’re hoping that since law-makers have lost their minds, they will consider some of the stuff we want to be given human rights as well:
Dolphins: This is a pretty selfish request. Not selfish like as in personal self gain but more for universal dolphin lovers out there. If dolphins were considered human it would justify a large number of peoples obsession with them. Also, intimacy would be less shameful but continue to be awkward.
1995 Honda Civic: Last year the 1998 Honda Civic was the most robbed car in America. It’s not that surprising, it’s pretty dope looking! If the Civic was allowed the same rights that we have, it would deter thieves from stealing it by bumping up the possible punishment from larceny to kidnapping. Oh, they can only live to 14.
Fatty Foods: This one is for all you ladies out there who are trying everything to loose those pounds. We know how you feel, you go girl!!!! Following the same type of ethical persuasion as the Honda Accord, if fatty foods were considered humans then eating them would be considered cannibalism. Naturally, you only eat humans when your stranded, or something, so the pounds would come off. Oh Yeah!!!
Iraqis: We hope you can infer the problem here. While we’re only wishing, lets throw in Palestinians as well.