To Do List: 2/21/09

1) Finish Reading Audacity of Hope( god I don’t want it to end)
2) DVR Gilmore Girls
2) Get recipe from Ronnie for that bacon weave thing we had at the last dinner party
4) Buy Bow tie and (or) turtleneck. (check bank first online to make sure I don’t overdraft. See if you can get rid of Hitler B-Day pin via online or does it have to be done in person)
5) Give another listen to the new Antony and Johnsons record to see if it’s grown on me; Listen to Hold Time.
5) Get ready for the big day!! (Have confidence, Jed, c-o-n-f-i-d-e-n-c-e. And not like that “oh yeah, my past as an Aryan Brother is dark but I’m okay now” Not like that, confidence like, “I think I’m the best librarian for this elementary-school-confidence.
6) Buy Visine– Read Hipster Runoff


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No Review: “A Kid Named Cudi”

We’re happy we heard Kid Cudi’s “A Kid Named Cudi” before we read the embarrassing account of him getting tasered last weekend in Phoenix during NBA All-Star weekend. It’s not that we would like his music less, we would just be distracted with the nattering image of someone so set on wearing his Jordans to a marketing event of Nike’s direct competitor that he was willing to get electrocuted. The image is so absurd that the mind struggles to mythologize: But Jordans aren’t Scotland and Kid Cudi isn’t Braveheart, so it plays like a Rodney Dangerfield bit instead. And though we really don’t care how artists act, “A Kid Named Cudi” is composed with such serious knowledge of music that a clownish act like that is hard to attribute to it’s creator. (Mental note: file under more proof that artists don’t imitate their art)

Our intention here at DB/DO is not to write reviews of music: there are so many people who do that already, some of them well (see blogroll). We entered a period two-or-so years ago where we began to feel old and believed this first part was based on the fact that we weren’t liking most of the music we were hearing. The electronic music coming out felt like a direct assault on the music we cherished for most of our early lives: it had no depth but the institutions that we thought would rally against it were becoming engulfed by it. We waited for someone to say that it was all shit, that a lot of cocaine use was going on in the circles that perpetrated it, and that it was all a mistake. At the same time, the bands who believed they were “making a statement” against this electro rise, were making music that intentionally sounded bad. And because a lot of people were starting to feel the same way that we did at the time, bands that now do not know how to tune their guitars are touring all around the country under ridiculously strange sobriquets– each night they play to a bunch of nihilistic shitheads who’ve added to the cultural collapse. The channels get flooded with gunk; there’s too much information; most of it sucks.

It wasn’t to recently that we had an awakening, a rebirth of our self-esteem: of our natural right to criticize and not like things. With this insight, we realized it wasn’t that we were getting old– we just hated most of the “indie” music that we were hearing. The bar on what was considered quality dropped substantially, coke or no coke. People with no knowledge of the canon that preceded them took the insecurity of being ignorant and turned it, rather transparently, into an assault on given canon. We praise musicians who “know their music” because not knowing is the accepted norm.

A Kid Named Codi pats the person who is feeling old on the back. Reaffirms that it isn’t you, that most music sucks out there and someone has to do something to save it. The careful usage of rare(r) R&B samples, which is now an old trick among even semi-literate producers, is not what separates Cudi from the other mix-tape DJ/Rappers out there. Cudi has given credit to the canon, has spent time exploring other genres in a way that most indie rock artists refuse to do. Band of Horses “The Funeral” serves as the skeletal system on “The Prayer”; Paul Simon’s “50 Ways To Leave Your Lover” is playfully revamped into “50 Ways To Make a Record”.

Like a lot of people who make music a large part of their life, we have tendencies to define ourselves within strict guidelines that are unspoken and predominately bullshit. Hearing albums like Cudi makes us want to return to a pre-snob, pre-self important state : to schoolyards and Hot 97 on Friday nights and Beatles anthologies. To anything that was good that came our way with out made-up pretense blurring our vision.

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Uncoolhunting: Oh No, Twice In One Week!!!

Has YouTube struck a deal with failed songwriters who now make educational music? A few days ago on their Featured Videos section there was the Presidential Rap ( we keep fucking up the rhyme at Truman). In “Twin Prime Conjecture” an Adam Carolla look-a-like does a bouncy dead-on Elvis Costello bit. And while we’re not sure if the comparison will get anything other than people deciding to never come back to this site, we’re so worried now about learningcore or edo becoming an interminable trend that our ability to write has been squelched. We think anything else worth saying was left as a simple message under the video:
From YouTube user kissmybuttdimple:

a true vision of hell…. this video makes me hate math…. and piano’s…..two things i used to really admire.

Our thoughts exactly.


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Grandmaster Flash’s “The Message” Reconsidered

Like most people in gagglefuck situations, we look to the past in order to inform us with some type of schematic as to how we can remedy the present. 1982’s “The Message” is so concurrent with our present social/economic narrative that it becomes an eerie prophecy tune. We took links to a shitload of stuff we’ve been bombarded with by the media( mainly against our will) recently and connected them to the song. We’re not so sure if it’s a cool idea or not– spend some time clicking on the stories and listen to the song and let us know what you think.

“The Message”

Broken glass everywhere

People pissing on the stairs , you know they just
Dont care I cant take the smell , I cant take the noise
Got no money to move out , I guess I got no choice
Rats in the front room, roaches in the back
Junkies in the alley with a baseball bat
I tried to get away , but I couldnt get far
Cause the man with the tow-truck repossessed my car
Dont push me, cause Im close to the edge

Im trying not to loose my head

Its like a jungle sometimes , it makes me wonder
How I keep from going under

Standing on the front stoop,hangin out the window
Watchingall the cars go by, roaring as the breezes
Crazy lady , livin in a bag
Eating out of garbage piles, used to be a fag-hag
Search and test a tango, skips the life and then go
To search a prince to see the last of senses
Down at the peepshow , watching all the creeps
So she can tell the stories to the girls back home
She went to the city and got so so so ditty
She had to get a pimp , she couldnt make it on her

Its like a jungle sometimes, it makes me wonder
How I keep from goin under

My brothers doing fast on my mothers t.v.
Says she watches to much, is just not healthy
All my children in the daytime, dallas at night
Cant even see the game or the sugar ray fight
Bill collectors they ring my phone
And scare my wife when Im not home
Got a bum education , double-digitinflation
Cant take thetrain to the job , theres a strike
At the station
Me on king kong standin on my back
Cant stop to turn around, broke my sacroiliac
Midrange, migraine, cancered membrane
Sometimes I think Im going insane , I swear I might
Hijack a plane!

Its like a jungle sometimes, it makes me wonder
How I keep from goin under

My son said daddy I dont wanna go to school
Cause the teachers a jerk, he must think Im a Fool
And all the kids smoke reefer , I think itd be Cheaper
If I just got a job , learned to be a street sweeper
I dance to the beat, shuffle my feet
Wear a shirt and tie and run with the creeps
Cause its all about money , aint a damn thing funny
You got to have a con in this land of milk and Honey
I cant walk through the park, cause its crazy after the dark
Keep myhand on the gun , cause they got me on the
I feel like an outlaw, broke my last fast jaw
Hear them say you want some more, livin on a

A child was born , with no state of mind
Blind to the ways of mankind
God is smiling on you buthes frowning too
Cause only God knows what you go through
You grow in the ghetto , living second rate
And your eyes will sing a song of deep hate
The places you play and where you stay
Looks like one great big alley way
Youll admire all the number book takers
Thugs ,pimps , pushers and the big money makers
Driving big cars , spending twenties and tens
And you wanna grow up to be just like them
Smugglers , scrambles , burglars , gamblers
Pickpockets , peddlers and even pan-handlers
You say Im cool, Im no fool
But then you wind up dropping out of high school
Now youre unemployed , all null n void
Walking around like youre pretty boy floyd
Turned stickup kid , look what you done did
Got send up for a eight year bid
Now your man is took and youre a may tag
Spend the next two years as an undercover fag
Being used and abused , and served like hell
Till one day you was find hung dead in a cell
It was plain to see that your life was lost
You was cold and your body swung back and forth
But now your eyes sing the sad sad song
Of how you lived so fast and died so young

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Human Rights Just Got A Little Wronger

North Dakota just passed legislation that gives fertilized human eggs the same rights that we enjoy!! This includes the right to safely abort if the expectant egg mother feels that her future egg baby will become a pro-life activist.
Naturally, FOXnews and all the childless pro-life bloggers out there are jamming the first few search pages. We didn’t want to scavenge through the shit so we’re quoting from Yahoo. Sorry

From Yahoo:

A measure approved by the North Dakota House gives a fertilized human egg the legal rights of a human being, a step that would essentially ban abortion in the state. The bill is a direct challenge to Roe v. Wade, the U.S. Supreme Court decision that extended abortion rights nationwide, supporters of the legislation said.

We’re hoping that since law-makers have lost their minds, they will consider some of the stuff we want to be given human rights as well:

Dolphins: This is a pretty selfish request. Not selfish like as in personal self gain but more for universal dolphin lovers out there. If dolphins were considered human it would justify a large number of peoples obsession with them. Also, intimacy would be less shameful but continue to be awkward.

1995 Honda Civic: Last year the 1998 Honda Civic was the most robbed car in America. It’s not that surprising, it’s pretty dope looking! If the Civic was allowed the same rights that we have, it would deter thieves from stealing it by bumping up the possible punishment from larceny to kidnapping. Oh, they can only live to 14.

Fatty Foods: This one is for all you ladies out there who are trying everything to loose those pounds. We know how you feel, you go girl!!!! Following the same type of ethical persuasion as the Honda Accord, if fatty foods were considered humans then eating them would be considered cannibalism. Naturally, you only eat humans when your stranded, or something, so the pounds would come off. Oh Yeah!!!

Iraqis: We hope you can infer the problem here. While we’re only wishing, lets throw in Palestinians as well.

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Curio Cabinet: The Human Marvels

Grady Styles, Lobster Boy

Grady Styles, Lobster Boy

With all the recession stimulating smack talk going around recently we want to sometimes duck our heads back into the pre-internet age and wiz past even further to a period when you couldn’t rely on television, or pop stars, to scratch the universal itch to view freaks of nature.
The Human Marvels fills this exact need by offering a meticulously catalogued and well researched group of sideshow freaks, natural oddities, and complete physiological enigmas. You’ll realize quickly that the site not only scratches aforementioned itch but does so in a way that memorializes the people who are portrayed in the photos (We’re starting to sound like a hypertrichotic drunk).
Best of all, the site invokes all of the nostalgia that going to Coney Island has without all of Pratt’s dick hipster undergrads working on their portfolio and sweating with uniqueness.

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More Proof That Things Created To Make Learning Fun Only Make It Suck

Our first impression when we saw this video was: “Oh here is another dud from the mass educational-tool complex created by out of touch dickhead grad students.” And because we love the fulfillment that unnecessary self-adulation delivers, we went right over to the web site of Rythym Rhyme Results to confirm our hunch.
Here is more proof that educational accomplishments spit you further into a vortex of hopeless stupidity when it comes to having your hand on the pulse of youth culture:

“RRR’s in-house team leads a collaborative network of over 25 creative professionals, including lyricists, composers, vocalists, and producers. Many are graduates of Harvard University and the Berklee College of Music and reside in New York, Boston, Atlanta, and beyond.”

Below is an excerpt to the song titled “The Civil War.” We urge you to go listen to this track yourself and hear the bad ass gangster beats and the severity of the issue at hand. Think Suge Knight not Shock G, and it all makes you want to go fuck someone up. But the tracks on the site– along with the hard ass “Photosynthesis” featured on YouTube— sound so gangster that they serve as the primary premise as to why RRR misses the point: they’ve assumed that that’s what all rap sounds like and have gone and made songs that sound like “rap” music.
Still, the irony of genre and content mixing is priceless.

From The Civil War:

In March 1862
A water battle was fought that no one would lose
Monitor vs. Merrimac ended in a draw
Hopes soared high for the people up north

The Battle of Shiloh was the North’s victory
But one month later they retreated to DC
The confederate’s General Stonewall Jackson
Led the South to a few months of great action

But September that year marked defeat
For both the North and the South had blood on the streets
The Battle of Antietam goes down in the books
As the bloodiest day the U.S. military undertook

One more note. We don’t hate companies like Rhythm Rhyme Results Rap. They’re trying something new to help children learn and we doubt that there is a subversive,darker, motive(like having rappers rap about the Civil War, Slavery, or the Bill of Rights– all of which have royally fucked them– as some type of humorous racially motivated joke) We just think that they should go into a business that they know about– like penny loafers sales or something.

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